Thursday, 22 March 2007

Cry Baby andThe Mower Moral.

Cry Baby.

When Pete came into the kitchen he saw how much I cried.
You see! I was peeling onions and no matter how I tried,
Tears came rolling down my cheeks it made me look so sad,
You see my allergy to onion juice is really very bad.
Pete said "peal them under water, that's the best way I have found
But because I had no snorkel alas! I nearly drowned.

The Mower Moral or Jane's Tale.

It really is a super day I think I'll mow the lawn,
The dandilions and docks and things make it look forlorn.
I'll soon get the mower out and give it a quick crop,
I don't want to cut too close, I do know when to stop.

Oh dear! the bally mowers stopped, it's gentle rythmns altered
It must be the extension lead, that's why it's faltered.
There seems to be a lead loose, I'll just give it a knock,
Ouch! damn and blast the stupid thing has given me a shock.

This was a past neighbour and those were not the words she actually said!.

Jill West.

Wednesday, 21 March 2007

The Crossword Addict.

The Crossward Addict.

When I'm deprived of my crossword I'm moody and mean and I mope.
My temper is very erratic and my poor husband just cannot cope.
I'ts the one thing that gets me going it boots up my brain for the day.
I get on with my cooking and sewing when I've had my portion of play.

When I'm deprived of my crossward I sit and I sulk and I glare,
The sun won't come out in the morning I'm just like a grumpy old bear.
My ever decreasing brain cells are crying out to be moved
I think they need that morning jolt but that's something that can't be proved.

So my cry goes out to the paper shop off crosswords I must have my share
Because crossword deprivation is something I very much fear.

(Crossword deprivation. A severe illness found in the elderly)

Jill West.

No More Mr Nice Guy.

No More Mr Nice Guy

I want to do something different
I'm tired of the things I have done
I'll start a home for retired garden gnomes
I think that would be rather fun.

I'll line them all up in neat little rows
And knit them all smart little coats.
But if they decide to give me some cheek
Grab them all by their sweet little throats.

Jill West.

Sunday, 4 March 2007

Veggie Alligators

Veggie Alligators.

The crocodile has a lovely smile
His manners are really sweet,
But if he comes knocking on your door
Remember he eats meat.

The alligator on the other hand
I believe is a veggie eater,
Just give him an apple he'll be so nice
His manners just couldn't be sweeter.

Jill West.

P.S. Remember children this is just a poem it is not a good idea to feed alligators.

There is a road in our village with several keen gardeners as I write a poem each month for our village news letter this was aimed at them.
Springs Not Sprung.

I had a word with the Church Street mob,
I said "I can fulfill your dreams.
I've something very different here a bag of magic beans.
Go to the allotments, don't forget a spade,
pop in all these super seeds
Your fortunes will be made.

The plants will grow and grow and grow as if to reach the sky.
They won't need Georges fertilizer to make them ten feet high.
I only want two hundred pounds it doesn't seem a lot.
You will reach rich dividends from your allotment plot.

They gave me all their money,it wasn't quite enough,
They said we'll pay more later so I didn't cut up rough.
I'm going to have to leave the village now, they planted all the seeds,
They tended them so lovingly but all they got was WEEDS.

Jill West.

P.S. Some years ago I bought some expensive pansy seeds and only got stinging nettles.