Aerial Blitz.

Our daughter Hazel has two poodles, we have them when
Laurie and Hazel go on holiday. Charlie is ten years old and black,
Boris (Dogson) is one, blond and nutty.Their last stay with us turned
out to be very traumatic.

Aerial War.

The dogs came on Saturday to stay with us,
We didn't know their visit would cause such a fuss.
Charlie is ten and mostly sedate,
Boris torments him but is quite a good mate.
The first few days were good and we had lots of fun,
Chasing Boris round the garden to give him a run.
He takes off up the steps just like a plane,
Then round the garden twice and he flies back again.

Bees had been swarming in our dining room roof,
We were told they wouldn't hurt us but we hadn't any proof.
Then wasps attacked the bees to get at their honey
We felt so sorry for them it just wasn 't funny.
We had dying bees indoors crawling all about
I got stung on my foot and it really made me shout.
Then for three afternoons on the best days of the year
The swarmed fighting in the garden, what a terrible scare.

Boris was stung twice when he went out for a wee,
He hopped around crying it was horrid to see.
So then every time the dogs had to go out,
Pete put them on their leads to walk them about.
He phoned the man from the council and made it quite clear,
Wasps and bees must both go, we are living in fear.
He,s allergic to wasp stings they make him so sick
So we would be glad if he,d be very quick.

So the nice chap came out, he can kill any pest,
He did what he had to it was for the best.
They don't like killing bees we can understand why,
But with their honey all stolen they would probably die.
So peace reigned at last and we all could go out,
Boris played with his toys and dashed all about.
It didn't last long,the weather turned bad,
Those three days of sunshine were the best we had had.

Jill West.

SHAPES

With all the slimming programes arround at the moment
on T.V.I had a look in the mirror and came up with this poem.

SHAPES.

Lots of women hate their bodies they seem to them too fat,
They want to look like slender sylphs, big busts are now old hat.
Some say "I'm an apple shape that tummies such a no,
I must loose weight off my hips, that fat has got to go."
Others say " I'm pear shaped, my bottom is too large,
I know I should attend a gym but oh dear what they charge".
The thing about my figure is it doesn't fit the norm,
I'm not an apple or a pear I just don't conform.
I'm a POTATO shape with sticks for legs and arms,
But my lovely husband thinks I still have lots of charms.
So I'll just have to settle that my shape is rather odd,
It's been like that a long time now so I'll just accept my bod.

Jill West.

P.S.I believe there is also one called the toffee shape
but I don't know what that is.

Baby Love.

When a baby's born your heart lights up with joy,
If it's a darling daughter or a bouncing baby boy.
So much advice is thrown at you, do that or don't do this,
However much you love them babies aren't all bliss.

The biggest question that comes up is bottle or the breast.
However well informed you are you don't know which is best.
There is a fact you cannot change and it's not to do with health,
A calm and peace comes over you when you feed the child yourself.

It's such a lovely happy thing that cuddle full of love,
The super satisfaction that trancends all else above.
To watch your child thriving there and it may seem a quirk,
But when you're looking down you think, that's all my own work.

Jill West.

Why Can't I Retire.

Men say they look forward to retirement,
To relax and generally potter,
Spend an hour or two in the garden
Then down the pub they might totter.

Perhaps start to read War and Peace,
No time to do it before.
But it's just an excuse to nod off,
War and Peace is a terrible bore

Maybe start on those shelves soon,
They've been put off for to long.
But a woman dreads the event,
Something is sure to go wrong.

About twelve o'clock he will say
"What's for lunch, something I can do"?
He knows you'll have done it already,
Because lunch is down to you.

It seems to be a fact of life
When men retire they really do,
A housewives work is never done
It's mostly DOWN TO YOU.

Jill West.

SNOW ON STEART HILL

I recently went up Steart Hill to see how the dinosaurs were coping
in the snow. I thought I would keep you up to date with their goings on.

Snow on Steart Hill.

The snow came down and the dinosaurs came out,
Most didn't know what it was all about.
Remembering his damaged leg Big Dennis gave advice,
"Just remember how I suffered when I slipped upon the ice".

Sleds were quickly made up from logs and bits of wood,
Flashing down the hill at speed made small dinos feel good.
They closed the new school they recently constructed.
The teachers were promised no pay would be deducted.

So they all joined in and had great fun,Big Dennis came to see.
When the little ones got cold and wet they all went home for tea.
Dinosaurs live many years and cope with all the weather,
They adapt so quickly they're really rather clever.

Jill West.

If you scroll further down you can read the full story of the dinosaurs.
.

My Mojo's Gone Missing.

I have been rather ill recently and it has taken a while to recover.
This is a poem I wrote for our village monthly newsletter.
So!

My Mojos Gone Missing.

I think I've lost my Mojo, a poem seems hard to write,
By the morning I've forgotten things I thought about at night.
I love to laugh at something, even at myself,
The gnome who's in our garage or his funny little elf.
The dinosaurs on Steart Hill, I know they're really there,
Maybe you don't believe in them but I've seen them really clear.
The things that they get up to are sure to make me laugh,
Maybe you just think I'm mad but we won't go down that path.
Nasty things have bounced upon me and made me rather low
But when I regain my Mojo the laughter's sure to flow.

Jill West.
TO READ THE DINASAUR POEMS SCROLL DOWN SEVERAL PAGES.

PETS.

I had a little turtle, I called her Myrtle,
She lived in the bath and made me laugh.
But when she ate the soap, I just couldn't cope,
At the end of the day, I gave her away.

So I got a snake who would only eat cake,
Spread all over with honey. he cost lots of money.
I did love him so but he just had to go.
He went to a man who drove a white van.

Now I've got a teddy and he's always ready,
To give me some love and heavens above.
He's always so good and never needs food,
So I'll love him forever and part with him never.

Jill West.

REFUSE ABUSE.

We have so many dustbins now it's really hard to know,
What should go in which bin and what you must not throw.
At night they get together and speak of bin abuse,
Discuss what should be put in them and what is their proper use.
You see there are baby bins for all the foodie scraps,
Potato peelings, bacon rinds and bits of bread perhaps.

BIODEGRADABLE is the word that governs what goes in,
If plastic is put in them that will be a real sin.
Now all the bottles ,cans and papers have a separate fate,
So just read the council litarerature and don't get in a state.
We all know it's for the best, though it does seem rather cruel
And think ! a fine awaits you if you don't obey the rule.

Something makes me sceptical but perhaps the point is minor.
Could it end up across the sea, perhaps be shipped to CHINA.

Jill West

OPTIMISM. Mathew VII Verse 7.

ASK AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN TO YOU
But my computer said no.
SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND,
I didn't and that was a blow.
KNOCK AND IT SHALL BE OPENED TO YOU
It didn't go as I planned,
I caught hold of the knocker to bang it,
The knocker came off in my hand.

Jill West.

Sensitive Sunburn.

My husbands sister lives in New Zealand. Telling her of our lovely walled garden at our
18th century cottage in Somerset I said we could sunbathe nude if we wanted to. She
replied that sounds like a poem. So!

SENSITIVE SUNBURN.

Jill and Pete just loved the heat they found it so exciting,
The sun was out the air was warm, the grass looked so inviting.
Pete said let's strip our clothes off and let the sun get to our skin,
Our walls are nice and high here so no one can peep in.
They lay there on the grass waiting for the sun to come,
The tragic thing that happened was that poor Jill burnt her bum.

Jill West.

A VISIT TO THE DENTIST.

A Visit To The Dentist.

I went to the dentist, his voice was quite grave,
He looked in my mouth and said "Hmm what can I save.
That filling you've had about ten years or so,
Is now obsolete so it may have to go..
The little bridge there a small work of art,
Is causing you trouble, in fact falling apart."
I'd heard about inplants so enquired as to cost,
"Well if thats how you're thinking, then all is not lost.
To make you look super I'd say all around,
Something in the region of ten thousand pound."
I flinched as he said it and gave a sad wail,
He said "I can see that you havn't got wealth,
So what can I do on the national health".
As he gave me a filling I was in quite a state,
For his terrible verdict, "We must give you a plate."
When there's a bang on the door now ,
Above all the din, I can hear Pete shout out
"HAVE YOU GOT YOUR TEETH IN ".

Jill West.

P.S. The actual amount was £15000 but I couldn't make it scan.

Dinosaur skeleton. Awider view.

Dinosaur skeleton

I made this skeleton on the dining room table with turkey and duck bones and large stones from the garden.Scroll down to see the narrow view.

DINASAUR BONES FOUND ON STEART HILL.

Theses bones were dicovered recently. Sadly when the boulders were moved many pieces fell off so it is hard to say
which type they are. They do not appear to be related to the present incumbents. Please scroll down to earlier posts for other news.

THE DAILY MALICE.

Nearly any paper that you read could be called THE DAILY MALICE.
A quick peek inside, you drink from a poison chalice.
Really happy truthful stories are few and far between,
If it has a happy ending it's unlikely to be seen.

A blazing half inch headline, when dicovered to be wrong,
Becomes a small retraction about three inches long.
If one paper prints a story for a lot of cash,
The others all decry it and call the story trash.

I'd like to give them all up and throw them in the bin
But I'd lose my daily crossword and that would be a sin.
So I skim across the malice about sportsmen who have strayed,
The stories from the palace, the big mistakes they've made.
I go quickly to the crossword, the bit I never miss,
There I wallow for a while and that's my DAILY BLISS.

Jill West.

JAM TOMORROW.

With all the talk of rises, teachers have done quite well
I hope it makes them happy, one can never really tell.
Nurses should do better, their job is really tough,
They see a lot of misery and they just don't get enough

The police will strike, if they don't get quite a major rise,
They need much more cash to keep up, we hear the plaintif sighs.
I sympathise with all of them, really feel their sorrow
But pensioners have been left out, for us it's always
JAM TOMORROW.

Jill West.