JAM TOMORROW.

With all the talk of rises, teachers have done quite well
I hope it makes them happy, one can never really tell.
Nurses should do better, their job is really tough,
They see a lot of misery and they just don't get enough

The police will strike, if they don't get quite a major rise,
They need much more cash to keep up, we hear the plaintif sighs.
I sympathise with all of them, really feel their sorrow
But pensioners have been left out, for us it's always
JAM TOMORROW.

Jill West.

MEDIA MUMBO JUMBO

About our CARBON FOOTPRINT it has got rather big,
I know mostly we ignore it, like we don't give a fig.
But if we keep on using all the goodness of the land,
We'll end up completely bankrupt, In fact not worth a grain of sand.

Every day the papers warn us that things are getting worse,
GLOBAL WARMING is the by word, the dreaded media curse.
They make us feel so guilty about everything we use,
I think what I'm going to do is just get bigger shoes.

Jill West.
Why have I got so cynical in my old age.

TELLY TERROR.

Why can't they let us be happy,the programmes are full of doom.
What we really want is more laughter instead of all the gloom.
But when it comes to worry and these can spoil your night,
The adverts that are shown can give an awfull fright.

My innocent washing machine that I thought would never fail,
I know now could stop at any time because of bad lime scale.
The adverts for germ killers that kill ninety nine per cent,
Really make me worry where all the others went.

When they,re trying to sell airfresheners then I have to think,
What are they implying, does my house stink.
I haven't got a dishwasher, perhaps it's just as well,
If you don't use certain products all your pipes will smell.

The ad for cleaning loos makes me feel very sad,
If mine ever looked like that I would think I'd gone quite mad.
If you take notice of these adverts you will get an awful scare,
Horror films won't seem so bad as all the terrors there.

Jill West.

P.S.My darling husband does my washing up he is very efficient.
I had my previous washing machine for twenty five years with no trouble.
I had to get a smaller one to make more space. As I have allergies to
many of the perfumes in cleaners etc. I have learned to use natural
products. Lemon juice, vinegar etc.

CHRISTMAS PAST.But I think it's going to be O.K.

I've collected the turkey, that went quite well,
Cleaned all the cutlery, that was just hell.
Arranged all the seating I think they will fit,
Oh! now there are two more, I'll move chairs a bit.
The turkey is cooking I don't want it tough,
Ten minutes a pound, plus twenty's enough.
The veg are a nightmare, there are such a lot,
Potatoes or sprouts first, I think I've lost the plot.

BUT I KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE O'K'.

My husbands a problem, he won't let me drink,
A glass of white wine would be perfect I think,
I'm afraid he remembers my terrible gaffe,
When I dropped the turkey but it made us all laugh.
The trouble that day was we went to the pub,
The drinks flowed so freely, ah! that was the rub.

SO NOW THE COOK IS NOT ALLOWED A DRINK.

The turkey is perfect it's resting a while,
The potatoes so crispie I just have to smile.
I look at the tables I think they will pass
NOW I'm allowed to have a quick glass.
Let's get them seated and fill up each tum,
Sometimes it's not bad being a mum.
They stand and raise glasses, then give me a look,
They say "happy Cristmas and here's to the cook"

I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE O.K.

Jill West.

DENNIS'S DARING DEED.

When dinosaurs left the Jurasic park,
They travelled and travelled for miles.
Most of their journey was in the dark,
Over hedges and ditches and stiles.

Their leader Big Dennis said
"We've got to go,the Cretaceous periods over,
We'll be extinct unless we are quick",
So they caught a ferry to Dover.

They travelled on and the small cubs got tired,
So their mothers gave them a cuddle.
Dennis said "now then, we've got to make plans"
So they drew themselves into a huddle.

He said we're in Salsbury, we need to go west,
I hear Somerset's really quite gentle."
One young buck said "really! I find that quite scary,
The A303s traffic's mental

They were so brave and travelling by night
They came to the top of a lane,
Dennis said "let's try here it looks really clear,
At the bottom there must be a plain"

So that's where they stayed and now live on Steart Hill
That's where they gambol and play,
So if you've had a drink at the Red Lion inn,
You might just observe them one day.

Jill West.

DINOSAURS MATING TIME.

If you should come down Steart Hill maybe you might find,
Dinosaurs are living there and others of that kind.
Steart Hill has a stud farm, there's a little pound,
On the left are ladies, on the right males mooch around.

Dinosaurian dormitories is what it's all about,
They're waiting there for mating time off that there is no doubt.
Dinosaurs are singers when you think the wind is sighing,
Late at night up on the hill lady dinosaurs are crying.

Sometimes in the morning around the old Red Lion,
You'll find a pool of water, tears gathered there are drying.
Then in the spring time dino cubs are seen,
Though to catch a glimpse of them your eyesight must be keen.

Jill West.

P.S. Many people find a few drinks at tha Red Lion help
them to see the cubs.

Midsummers Day.

You know those dinosaurs who live on the hill.
Well do like a drink so they've started a still
They're also making rather good wine
Dandelion and burdock I'm told it's divine.

Some beer is brewing, they've added the yeast
They're baking big pies for a fabulous feast.
Potato and carrot a wonderful filling,
The size of the helpings will be really thrilling.

As I've said they're musicians, they sing and they dance,
They tread stately measures when they get the chance.
They've tried modern dances, they'd twist if they could,
As they're rather plump that was no good.

They are all looking forward to midsummers day,
When dinos make whoopee and come out to play
So don't go up Steart Hill lest you really must.
'Cos dinosaur dancing kick up such a fuss

Jill West

DENNIS'S NASTY FALL.

It was just after Christmas there was frost on the ground,
Big Dennis called a meeting and they all gathered round.
Dennis wanted suggestions to help him to think,
As he'd damaged a leg while out on the rink.

He shouldn't be skating he's got very old,
But the ice looked inviting and it was very cold.
The crowd got exited, they were all very vocal,
They said you must call on a doctor who's local

They decided to call doctors Huins and Duffy,
That did no good for they both got quite huffy.
"It's not in our remit to doctor old dinos,
Who are probably fierce and quite possibly wineos.

They said call a vet that would be very wise,
He will understand dinos, not like us guys.
"I don't think I'll do that" Dennis said with a frown.
They're predudiced people and might have me put down".

So they called farmer Tom who lives very near,
He tends all the animals he has in his care.
He came straight away with hot poltice of bread,
"This will help ease the pain and bring comfort"he said.

Dennis felt the pain going, Tom was like a magician,
Now they've made farmer Tom their appointed physician
If they have any troubles or anyone's ill.
They just wave to tom from the top of the hill.

Jill West.

THE DINOSAUR COUNCIL MEETING.

Remember thr dinos who live on Steart Hill,
Well, they've decided to build a school.
With lots of small cubs now if a dino can't read,
It will probably feel quite a fool.

As the village below is built mainly of stone,
The walls should be really quite thick,
"The price will be high" I heard one of them moan
"Perhaps we should build it of brick".

The meeting quite quickly got terribly loud,
Held in what once was a shed,
The way old Dennis ran it made me feel proud,
"The looks are important he said.

What we build on this hillside has got to look good
We must remeber the dinos to come,
We'll consider it deeply as all dinos should
All decided it must be in stone.

So Dennis was happy how it all came about,
All the dinosaurs gave a great cheer.
Dennis opened his jaws and gave a great shout
He shed from his eye a small tear.

Now everone's happy, the cubs have a school,
And a playground where they can cavort,
The dinos remembered the old golden rule,
Don't make plans without plenty of thought.

Jill West.

This village is all stone, with the exeption of four mock
stone houses built in the late sixties.

BULLIES

Napoleon was a little man, the European bully,
When people said "you're nasty",
He said "you you don't understand me fully.
Because I am a small man I have to scream and shout,
To make up for my lack of height I throw my weight about."

There are a few more like him who behave this way,
Blustering short bullies with such a lot to say.
But Napoleon fell from grace ,
To a sticky end he came,
And it would not surprise me much
If they did just the same.

Jill West.

SLEEP OR SHEEP

When sleep escapes me, what can I do,
My mind brings up problems
And I have to think them through.
I try to reject them but I can't clear my brain,
I want to think of other things
But my troubles come again.

People say to get to sleep
The one thing you can try,
Is that old trick of counting sheep,
But mine all seem very shy.
My sheep all seem so naughty
They will not jump the style,
I get all the wayward ones
Their manners are quite vile.

I go through all the poetry
That I loved as a child,
Then I find I've forgotten bits
That really drives me wild.
So It's back to my crosswords
They really tire my brain,
When I've done a few of those
Sleep comes once again.

Jill West.

I find the Daily Telegraph Quick X.word books
ideal for banishing unwanted thoughts.

Update nursery rhymes.

Hey diddle diddle the cat did a widdle,
Mother got rather upset,
"It's just as well he's not very big,
I wouldn't want a cow for a pet".

These two are from a friend who lives nearby.

Mary Mary make over fairy,
How does your garden grow.?
With decking , hot tub and water feature
And a few flowers just for show.

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry,
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them to; he's bi O.K.

Brian Cowley.

THE GNOME.

There's a gnome in our garage, he's made it his home,
He comes from this parish, so he's not had to roam.
He sleeps in a hammock where he gently rocks,
He has a small line where he hangs out his socks.
He only eats baked beans straight from the tin
But as he eats dozens he's not very thin.

He sings little songs as he brushes the flags.
He's quick with his needle so he's never in rags.
Sometimes we wish that he'd go away
So we rage and we yell our anger to vent
But we always say he can stay, as we have to admit
That we do need the rent.

SEQUEL.

The gnome in our garage has let out some room,
We asked him for details and we said "to whom".
The gnome said "he was homeless just like myself
So I made him a bunk bed, he's just a wee elf."

The elf sings karaoke his voice is so high
The sound of his wailing makes our poor neighbours cry,
As we can do nothing to make him relent,
We've told that mad gnome we are raising his rent.

Jill West.

ELF UPDATE

Remember I told you about that small gnome
Who came to our garage and made it his home.
You heard how he took in that homeless wee elf,
And gave him space at some cost to himself.

WELL! there's been an upset they've had a big split
The elf threw a party the gnome threw a fit.
All the elfs friends came , they made lots of noise,
Small elfish devils those wee girls and boys.

The karaoke was loud and they all sang a lot
The gnome was complaining but who cared a jot.
When the elves started drinking the elderflower wine
The gnome was cheesed off he said "that was mine.

I'd saved that for Xmas you horrible bunch
Now there'll be nothing to have with our lunch."
The elf said he was sorry he'd been so unpleasant
He made shoes for the gnome as a nice early present.

Designed in green leather with nice curly ends,
The gnome was delighted, they're now best of friends.
It's best to say sorry when you know you're wrong.
Then you will keep frienship that's lasting and strong.

Jill West.
Some people (gnomes in particular) are easily pleased.